Slowly. Unknowingly. We reach a point where we clearly know what makes us happy what doesn't. What we like what we don't. Who annoys us. Who makes us happy. Who is appreciable who is not. Ninety percent of our daily activities are figured out. Solved. Why is that people say life is unpredictable when we are always learning and unlearning? They say that because of these moments.
Those moments that are fickle. The moments when emotions fail to register. Feelings suspend. You simply don't know. Your memory cannot relate to what is in front of you and what you think you had figured out. You think you will be too happy but you try very hard to pass a simple smile. You surmise you will be hurt but you remain strong. You cannot figure out the fabric of behaviour and feelings you very carefully wove through millions of interactions you have had with the world. That fabric in which each thread is touched and felt by you. The colour of emotions, the set of reactions -everything defined by you. Now. Suddenly. You don't know. You pause for a while and peel the layers of emotions you experience. You keep seeing a different shade each time. Different. It is illusionary and enigmatic. You cannot stop.You have to continue. Each shade is marvelous. If you peel a layer of happiness there is grief. Beneath love there is pain. Everything beautifully hidden. You may peel off the layers and stop at what you think is what you want to feel. There is no end. There really isn't.
What is even more gripping is the amalgamation of our surroundings. Just like a fabric fades in the scorching heat and might burn a thread or two. Our fabric of emotion gets affected. It fades. It gets torn. It has patches of different cloths. It has nothing of its own. The emotions are adopted by our surroundings.The thing that makes this adoption exciting is- the choice. The choice of surrounding. You may choose to dye your fabric in the darkness of envy or self pity or pain. Or you may venture out into a unknown colour.
The trick is to keep conditioning that fabric of emotion. Fully realizing the power of its dynamics. Understanding that it is too complex to be fully understood. But, too simple to manage. Just a fabric, that we weave. The fabric which is palpable just in those fickle moments.