Monday, November 7, 2011

The coin collection - Part3 [2nd Version]

Read Part1- Here
Read Part-2 V2 - Here

But who would explain this complexity of an Indian marriage to Asha. Who would tell her that her mother grew up listing to how she should endure all that a wedding had to offer.  And that the ones who walked away were cowards, women who didn’t know how to deal with a man!  Could she understand what it meant to be a girl child of a broken family?

Their life had slipped into a melancholic rut. And they were too careful not to step into each other’s life. Father- one of Asha’s foundation bonds was reduced to middle aged stranger who lived under the same roof. She learned to hold back her questions and wait for the life to unfold itself. Wait, because a worry seemed to trouble her. Situation was strangely comfortable. Why lash out a ripple in still water?

Her mother had looked like a warrior two years ago with a trace of resentment in whatever she did for her father. But now the image was fading, the helplessness of Amma surfaced. When she looked at Amma, Asha would blame herself for all the complications. Docile Amma would never have set her foot out to work had it not been for Asha. Probably she wouldn’t have had any complaints with the man whom she calls a husband. The mutual silence in the family made her think beyond her age. There were many nights when she cried herself to sleep. She flipped the pillow around to hide the tear marks, what if Amma sees it? After all Amma still believed Asha had nothing but just a faint idea of the trouble. Amma believed she had mastered masking the harsh reality. Why break her heart?

The coin box was full and it was time to get it changed to notes. Few years ago, there was cheer about the money. Asha would jump with glee and clap her hands when they got the coins changed. A joy that was meaningless. Today she was silent, when Amma and she walked to the near by grocery.”So, that is a lot of money! You will become Uncle Scrooge if you continue this way.” her mother tried to make a conversation. Asha looked giving an infinitely mature look to her mother passed a smile that usually mothers’ pass to an innocent children. Amma was taken aback. She tried to cheer up the girl, pointing out to general life around them, a cute little baby, a new fancy building, a sleepy dog, an over burdened motor vehicle, but none had an affect on the girl. She walked with rapt attention. Her mind fixed elsewhere.

Asha had, looked at people and learned the difference in the life of other kids and hers. She had looked at families with the child holding the parents in union. It pained her, these observations. Amma had started to worry about the changes Asha had been displayed. Like the girl was carrying a thought too heavy for her delicate mind. “Don’t let it get to you head, stay atop, ignore, and be in that melancholic rut…” but she didn’t say a word. This is not the time.

The grocery store man passed a practiced smile with perfection. He looked at little Asha and spoke to her mother,” Madam, this girl will become lakhpati very soon!” Amma turned to Asha proud of her young daughter’s accomplishment. The man carefully counted the coins counting the stacks of ten rupees he had made with Asha’s coins. “Here you go, two hundred and thirty, what will you do with all that coin collection, buy nice toys?” the man asked as he handed over the notes to Asha. “Amma was about to respond back-“She wants to be Uncle Scro..” when Asha spoke with a tinge of irritation,” No, with that coin collection, I want to get away from home- far away from Appa”. While the man pretended to get busy with other customers a unfazed little girl in her frilled cotton gown and shocked Amma walked back home in silence. 

P.S: I am so sorry for the delay. Do let me know which version you people liked. Eagerly waiting for your feedback! :)


Saru Singhal said...

I like this version as well. She wants to go away from the source of negativity. Both the versions have a sense of liberation. First one is violent but I liked it. Your style of narration never fail to impress. You are too good with fictions...:)

Sameera said...

Thank you so much Saru! :)
Your comments and feedback is always awaited. Thank you for the kind words. Glad you liked noth the versions. :D

Wishing you a great week ahead!

TheBluntBlogger said...

I wouldn't pick any favourites :D. I liked both the versions. Knowing that a child has matured before her harsh indeed!

Cheers Sameera, keep up the good work <3

Rahul said...

:-O First one!I liked the first one better....This one is too inconclusive....

Sameera said...


Thank you!! :)

@Rahul- :O okay..

PeeVee™ said...

The innocence of child in wanting to get away from it all...

Well woven but I liked the other one better, sorry:)

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