55 Fiction #2: Untaught

Her eyes looked around for a hint of affection. A pair of eyes to acknowledge her presence.  What pained her more was how comfortably everybody moved on and how they believed that she also should? Tears rolled down her eyes. He taught her everything but, never prepared her for this- losing a husband at sixty.

The fabric

Slowly. Unknowingly. We reach a point where we clearly know what makes us happy what doesn't. What we like what we don't. Who annoys us. Who makes us happy. Who is appreciable who is not. Ninety percent of our daily activities are figured out. Solved. Why is that people say life is unpredictable when we are always learning and unlearning? They say that because of these moments.

Those moments that are fickle. The moments when emotions fail to register. Feelings suspend. You simply don't know. Your memory cannot relate to what is in front of you and what you think you had figured out. You think you will be too happy but you try very hard to pass a simple smile. You surmise you will be hurt but you remain strong. You cannot figure out the fabric of behaviour and feelings you very carefully wove through millions of interactions you have had with the world. That fabric in which each thread is touched and felt by you. The colour of emotions, the set of reactions -everything defined by you. Now. Suddenly. You don't know. You pause for a while and peel the layers of emotions you experience. You keep seeing a different shade each time. Different. It is illusionary and  enigmatic. You cannot stop.You have to continue. Each shade is marvelous. If you peel a layer of happiness there is grief. Beneath love there is pain. Everything beautifully hidden. You may peel off the layers and stop at what you think is what you want to feel. There is no end. There really isn't. 

What is even more gripping is the amalgamation of our surroundings. Just like a fabric fades in the scorching heat and might burn a thread or two. Our fabric of emotion gets affected. It fades. It gets torn. It has patches of different cloths. It has nothing of its own. The emotions are adopted by our surroundings.The thing that makes this adoption exciting is- the choice. The choice of surrounding. You may choose to dye your fabric in the darkness of envy or self pity or pain. Or you may venture out into a unknown colour. 

The trick is to keep conditioning that fabric of emotion. Fully realizing  the power of its dynamics. Understanding that it is too complex to be fully understood. But, too simple to manage. Just a fabric, that we weave. The fabric which is palpable just in those fickle moments.

Lights

The energy is little different this time. Unlike last year we are little bothered about how we decorate home this Diwali. In our campus such is our reputation that people look forward to our Diwali decorations. Thanks to my sister's amazing art works. But this year, we have a bigger occasion. After two years of my parents and sister taking different sides on the whole marriage issue. My sister wanting more time to be single and my parents frantic about all the good grooms being taken away [:P Indian family dramas]  They have found a common ground in my Jiju. So.. with the wedding dates set to November 18th. Cards distributed. Dresses stitched. Sarees packed. Jewelery made. With a engagement ring adoring my sister's finger. My mom's dynamic trio (her brothers) helping with the arrangements. All relatives waiting for the first marriage of this generation. The eldest grand daughter from both the paternal and maternal connections.The hour long STD and ISD calls with elders in the family.  A few cousins expecting to get hitched at the wedding get together where a pool of eligible singles are expected to gather.

As my sister enters this new phase of her life. We all mom.dad and me also will have new additional roles to play. Our family tree is now in the growth phase. We are branching out. My sister will have one more family. This is the occasion that running on our minds. We are still pacing around with the last minute preparations. With only a handful of days left for the marriage. We cannot think of any Diwali.. the lights of anticipation of a new ties that await our family.  The every passing minute making a who-oo-osh sound. We all await this big occasion- My sister's wedding. My sister's wedding.(Still sinking in.)